Locked Doors

God woke me up in the middle of the night one day last week. I don't know if maybe God had me write it down for myself, or for one of you, but for whomever it is that needs this....

Of the dozen siblings (no exaggeration here) that are in my family, I have a little brother named Gabriel. He may or may not be my favorite. I can't tell you because we're not supposed to have favorites. He's almost two, but it feels like he's prematurely hit the terrible two's. I mean, he's always getting into some kind of trouble. He is a boy, after all. Well, since he was an infant, he has loved being outside. Can you blame him? God has blessed us with all of this(motions to the world around us). Gabe is always ready to go outside, whether it's for a walk or a ride. Heck, he'll go out just to go out. When it's time to bring him in, he pitches a fit and acts like we've killed him. During the day, and as long as he's awake, we have to keep the deadbolt locked to keep him inside. We can lock the normal lock, but he knows how to turn it and escape. Oof, that makes him sound like an immate. He's not. We don't lock him inside the house to punish him. We lock the door for his protection. After all, we live between the railroad crossing and the highway. Neither option necessarily safer than the other. Not to mention, people tend to speed down our road. I don't know why, quite frankly, because the potholes are terrible. Welcome to Louisiana folks!

 

But if it weren't for our door, and the lock on it of course, he'd probably just roam outside whenever he pleased. Like I said, he's not even two. He doesn't know what's best for himself. The world hasn't shown him the ugly side of it yet. Obviously, it's our love for him that keeps the door locked. We want what's best for him and we want to keep him safe. Before we take him out, we have to get him ready. Make sure he has a clean diaper, shoes, etc. Let me tell you. He hates getting ready. Gabe, poor thing, thinks we're trying to pull one over on him just to distract him and keep him in(we've done this plenty of times too). He can't be Tarzan, living outside, because he would. But he also loves baths, so that makes no sense whatsoever to me. When he is ready, we'll grab his hand and we'll walk up and down the road/driveway with him. But only if he has our hand. By holding our hand, we can protect him from the dangers that could potentially threaten him. And it got me to thinking... What doors has God closed on us?

 

So often, we want to enter through that door that God has locked for right now. We want to ___, but in order to do so, we have to be ready. We have to be fully prepared. He's the one that has to get us ready though. No, most of us don't wear diapers, I don't think, but you get the point. A little child cannot change their own diaper. And even though we may think that we're already prepared, or that we can do it ourselves, chances are that we're not and we can't do it alone. Since our God is a good god, it only makes sense that He is trying to protect us. Somewhere between our stubbornness and freewill, we refuse to accept that the door has been closed. So, we still try to pursue whatever it is that our flesh is aching for. That's typically why the door is not only shut, but locked as well. And if I were to take it a step further, what happens if I try to break that door down? That's the only way I could potentially get it to move from out of in front of me. Physically, I would get hurt. The door placed between me and whatever it may be that I am trying to get to is a strong one. I would have to use all of my force to attempt to get that door out of my way. If I were to happen to get it out of my way, it would leave me hurt. Personally, that's not worth it when God will eventually unlock and open the door for us. Forcing our way into situations that we aren't ready for causes us to endure unnecessary hurt that could have been completely avoided.

 

For me, the door that God has closed before me is a tough one. It's relationships. I love love. I love people. But I also love affection. Most people my age, 21, that I know are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married. Some couples have kids, and others don't. Regardless, that is the life that I had planned for myself. My love life? I've been in some bad relationships. Some, I thought were God's answer to a prayer, while others were just another case of me barreling down a door that shouldn't have been moved to begin with. There's also the rare occasion that I've been in good relationships too though. I thought my last one was one of the good ones. I loved that man. I still do. I text him from time to time, wishing him the best. Him dumping me hurt though. Like a bullet to the heart, hurt. But, I also brought it on myself in a way. I value my relationship with God. I try to always include God in the decision-making process of my life too. Some times I listen better than others. Before the relationship with _(insert name)_ started, I prayed to God about him. As I've mentioned before, I like to write most of my prayers so that I can look back and see how God has moved in my life. I share them with you because I think it's equally as important for you to see that God still hears and answers our prayers too. 

My prayer went something like this:

"Dear God, 

Please reveal __'s true character to me. If it's not something that has potential to glorify you, I don't want it. I'm tired of picking people that are bad for my walk with you."

Simple enough, right? It took less than two months for God to do just that. Immediately after he dumped me, I screamed. I cried. I THREW A FIT. And then, in that same breath, I thanked God. Was it the answer that I wanted? Heck to the no. I really wanted __ to be the guy for me. But I asked God to intervene and He did. I couldn't be mad at God when He gave me what I had asked for. God knows my character. He knows that I don't typically just "give up" on people, so He made it easy for me. Overall, was it easy? Nope. It still hurt. But it was the easier situation for me to endure. Had the tables been turned, and I had to dump him, I couldn't have done it, I don't think. I tried going through a door that wasn't unlocked yet. And it hurt. I am in a season of singleness. I know that. I know that God has other things for me in this season of my life. I thought I was ready for a relationship. I would like to think that if God placed him in my life tomorrow that I would be ready. Locked doors are a blessing, not a curse. God is a good Father with good intentions. He just wants the best for us, even when we cannot see what that may be.

 

Okay. I'm off of my soapbox for the day. I love each and every one of you. Keep hanging in there.