A Tale Between Growth and Comfort

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii, or just a low ha? 

I know what you’re thinking, but no, I can’t quit my day job or school to become a comedian. I’m sorry to disappoint you, because I’d be a hit, but speaking in public actually terrifies me. Really, if I’m not able to move or fidget, I can’t do anything in public. 

Back in high school (gosh, I sound so old), we had the Christmas Follies, which is pretty much a Christmas talent show-fundraiser thing without all the winners. Since I started a new school my freshman year of high school, I tried everything I could to fit in. It seemed so difficult because everyone grew up with everyone else starting in kindergarten. My sophomore year, I decided to participate in the aforementioned Christmas Follies. Not just once, but twice. For my first act, I had prepared Silent Night on piano. A beautiful song, really. After playing the first few lines, I got up from the piano, turned around, and walked off stage. I WALKED OFF THE STAGE. I didn’t even finish my piece. I didn’t excuse myself. Nope. I just walked off. But a few short acts later, I had to return back to the stage to dance with the rest of the sophomore girls, which went rather well. I imagine that there are videos floating around on Facebook somewhere, if you ever get bored enough to find them. 

Heads up on a few things before you read any further: 

• I’m a bit of a control freak. And by “a bit”, I mean I’m a complete control freak. 
• I worry, a lot, about what people think of me. 
• I am entirely too hard on myself.

Being on stage is NOT my forte. I don’t like being the center of attention. It’s not my thing. It makes me flustered. And anxious. And then I start overthinking about practically everything. I tell you these things, not to pity me, but so that you can get a better concept of my perspective and where I’m coming from, so just hear me out. 

I’m clearly out of high school now, but the stage fright still lingers. I like being in total control; my fears included. As a normal person, it makes me seem put together, organized, whatever you want to call it. But as a believer of God, it shows that I have little confidence not only in who He is, but who He says I am as well. 

To work on my stage fright, I started by posting videos of me singing on various social media sites. It’s not QUITE the same, but it still allowed me to get the feedback that I needed to try something bigger. Over the summer, despite the pandemic, I decided to be bold.. I scored an audition with “The Voice”. I wanted to puke. Of course, I was excited, but I was also nervous. I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel like I had what it took. I definitely didn’t feel like I had the skills to go through with it. But I didn’t tell anyone because I was so nervous that it wouldn’t go well. That, and I don’t really care for being the center of attention. Shocking? I know. I have such an outgoing personality that it’s hard for many people to image me cowering in a metaphorical corner. So.. I didn’t do it. I didn’t even attempt the audition. I’m not a pansy. I’m not telling you this so that you think I’m a pansy. I’m telling you because it’s okay to not be capable of doing something. What’s not okay is giving up before you ever give it an opportunity. That’s what I did. I was so afraid of failing that I wasn’t even willing to see where it could have taken me. Growth and comfort can’t share room in your life. 

Let’s look at David. He worked out in the field tending to the sheep from a very young age. Had he stayed in his comfort zone, the Philistines wouldn’t have been defeated as they were. Had David stayed in his comfort zone, he probably would have not played for King Saul. I imagine being king is scary. I sure as heck don’t like feeling out of control, or scared, in situations. Kudos to David because I could never do it. I can only imagine how much different being king was to his prior occupation of being a shepherd boy. That’s not one comfort zone. That’s like a bazillion comfort zones he had to go through to get to where he was. My point is that you’re not going to find new opportunities growing in the same place as the old opportunities. Take a deep breath. Pray about the situation first. God will never lead you the down the wrong path. That doesn’t mean the path will be easy, but it won’t be the wrong one. God has given you everything you need to make it through this. 

“as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue…” 2 Peter 1:3

If being a king wasn’t for David, he wouldn’t have been. If He didn’t think that Mary could carry His Son, He wouldn’t have chosen her. I can’t tell you what exactly it is that He has chosen you for. But I can tell you that even if it’s uncomfortable, He’s got you. Trust him. Trust the process. Pray with me. 

Dear God, new opportunities are arising and I don’t know what to do, Lord. I’m putting my faith and trust in you, and you alone. Let your will be done here as in heaven. Whatever path my life may go down, Lord, let it glorify your name. 

Amen