Take Two

Let me tell you.. I finally shaved my legs last night and did a face mask… As Shania Twain would say, “Man! I feel like a woman!” So, let’s try this again. Where did I leave off?

I’m not really all that sure, now that I think about it. I guess the best place to start is by getting you caught up to date. This year has definitely been a wild one. The start of this year, I had determined that this would be my year of healing. I was in a pretty rough relationship last year. One that kinda leaves you wondering what you did wrong, or why you weren’t good enough? Except I was the one who walked away. I got tired of fighting, so I dumped him. I thought maybe it would make him realize how fed up I was with how things were.. nope. It didn’t exactly work that way. He continued doing his own thing, completely unfazed. So, of course, I dealt with the heartbreak.

***Allow me to say this: He is not a terrible person. Not even a bad person. We were just better off as friends. He couldn’t offer me what I needed in a relationship because he was still secretly recovering from a past relationship. Even he will tell you that he thought he was over it. We are back to being friends at a distance, today.***

And that’s when it hit me. If he was from God, I wouldn’t have felt so confused, lonely, and scared in the duration of our relationship. (Oh, yeah, I’m a Christian. Not a perfect one, but His grace is new every day, right?) Since I was a young teenager, I knew that I wanted a God-fearing, Jesus-loving kinda man. To be my husband. To build a family with, et cetera, et cetera, all that sappy, romantic stuff. It was about time I started acting on it.

It finally dawned on me that you cannot change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. My mind knew that, but it took my heart a little longer to grasp that concept. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23).” Our hearts are fragile. They like to think that they have a mind of their own, which leads to us doing some pretty irrational stuff out of love. Past relationships of mine actually show that I tend to date projects- people that were a little rough around the edges, but I thought that I could fix. Boy, I was wrong. The only person that you can fix is yourself. That’s completely okay though. You want to be the best you that you can be.

First things first, the Bible says, “ He who finds a WIFE finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22)”. A wife. Not a girlfriend. Was I wife material or girlfriend material? I had to do some serious soul-searching. Marriage is not promised for everyone. I knew that. I wanted to make sure that, IF God had marriage written out in my life plan, I was ready.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

I really can’t sit still all that long, but maybe you’ll come back. Until next time-